Thursday, October 24, 2013

#111 He is Calm

I lived the opening of my all-time favorite movie, "The Godfather".

Not many people can say that, I suppose.

The movie begins on the day of Don Corleone's only daughter's wedding.  Don Corleone has just had a private meeting with a man seeking justice from him.

No, that isn't the part I lived through.  Could you imagine how this post would go if it was?

Instead of celebrating his daughter's wedding, the Don spends his time agreeing to favors as a gift to others on his daughter's wedding day.  Loads of fun, right?

Awkward Family Photo #1
Note: None of these photos are the before mentioned photo.
The Don is pulled away from his affairs to take a family picture.  Everyone is there, or so it seems.  He looks around and realizes his youngest son, Michael, is not there.

"Where's Michael?" he asks.

His oldest son, Sonny, who is standing by him says, "Huh? Don't worry, it's early yet."

The Don waves his arm, then says, "We're not taking the picture without Michael."  

He turns to say a private word to the photographer and then suavely leaves the scene.

Awkward Family Photo #2
Second Note: You'll notice that my family does not know how to pose normal.
My situation was awkwardly similar.  Like, exactly the same thing except it spiraled out of control around the 'We're not taking this picture without Michael' part.  My heart was in the same place as the Godfather's, it just ended up coming out quite differently.  It started calm, but then suddenly all I could see was red, I went partially deaf for about 30.893 seconds, and the words coming out of my mouth spat fire that I'm sure was derived from the flames of hell.  This lead to inappropriate behavior on other parties' parts, which was followed by further demons being released from within my being.      

There were of course, a few differences between the Godfather and myself.  The Godfather made his decision quickly, calmly, and stuck to it as he walked away.  My decision to respond was made over the course of a few panicky minutes, was made full of emotion, and was not carried out with firm decision.  Also, the Godfather was paying for the wedding taking place, I was merely an attendee.

Awkward Family Photo #3
Yes, we are.  We are posing with a cow.  A pretend cow at that.
So, why do I put myself on the chopping block here?  Why do I expose my humanness?

For me, this was a life lesson.  People will always make choices that are thoughtless, whether on purpose or not.

The first action that can be taken is the simplest, but hardest: do nothing.  I certainly congratulate you if you can do this.  Doing nothing requires willpower.  It requires resistance.  It requires holding within you all feelings, emotions, and opinions that are begging to be set free while you stand in the face of those who offend you.

Awkward Family Photo #4
There are two other options.  The second action, the one I made, is to return wrong behavior with a less than kind reaction.  This action leads only to personal hurt and possible harm.  For a moment, it feels good.  Even afterwords it feels good, but in hindsight a better option lays.

We know the scriptures, the ones that are ever so popular, the ones that even those who never pick up a Bible can quote:  "Turn the other cheek" and "Do not repay evil with evil".

They certainly work well with situations we don't want them to work well in.

Awkward Family Photo #5
I could explain, but, it would take too much time.
If you cannot choose the first action and feel, as the Godfather and I did, that you must make a stand, the best option is, of course, the one the Godfather carried out.

More than likely, a man like the Godfather didn't think twice about his choice of action.  He probably didn't need a reflective blog post about his behavior either.  The third action is to make a calm statement and then walk away.

As humans, especially for women, I think we feel we need to respond loud and strong so that our voice is heard.  If we don't clearly communicate our point, no one will recognize it.

Sometimes, the loudest statement is made with little to no sound.

I'm doing what I can to speak in whispers.

Awkward Family Photo #6
I'm starting to think that hubby is part of the problem.

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