Thursday, November 21, 2013

#115 He Knows Everything About Me

Facebook has a way of eating life away.  I've noticed the most current "trend" is to give someone a number which will tell them how many things they should write about themselves that most people don't know.  I thought about it and realized after perusing most people's lists that most things on there most people would probably learn after only spending a short amount of time with that individual.*

*And I also just realized I used the word 'most' in that sentence a lot.  I'm sorry.

I decided I would come up with a short list of things that you would learn about me if given a short amount of time alone with me.  I'm sure they will fascinate you to no end.

1. I'd do anything for my family.

This is a smack your forehead 'duh' statement.  But let's investigate a few examples of how I've lived this out recently.

Exhibit 1: Helping my grandmother apply fake eyelashes twenty minutes before we need to leave for my brother's wedding, a concept which certainly sounded much easier than it really was.


Exhibit 2: Crouching down on my hands and knees in a bridesmaid gown in a three foot corner of a room for what felt like eternity trying to figure out what went wrong with my sister-in-law's train as my husband held it high in the air and the rest of the bridal party sat around snacking on hors d'oeuvres.*

*Wow.  What a sentence that was.  Or, perhaps I should say: That was a quite a sentence!**

**Sorry, grammar and me don't get a long.  Wait, is it grammar and me, or I?  Or is it, me and grammar?  Now I'm confused.  

Not one of my better moments in life.  I may or may not have gotten a little snippy with one of the bridesmaids.


Good thing all you can see is my back.

2. I can't stand the sight of blood.

It only takes a 9-year-old shoving their bloody hand in my face at recess for everyone around to realize the truth of this point.

3. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac.

It is for this reason I do not go on webmd.  Ever.

4. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.


As can be seen by the fact that my Thanksgiving decorations were up before Halloween and I am currently gazing at my beautiful Christmas tree that my grandmother gave me.

5. I have never been to Disney World.

When I was younger Disney World was this fantastical land of mystery that all the other kids my age went to, but I never could.  You might recall my recollection of this pastime from this post.

At this point in my life, thankfully, the desire has completely faded away

6. I will never eat food that is past the expiration date.


See number 3.  Trust me, they go together.

7. I have never broken a bone.

I have, however, awkwardly stepped down off of a brick step upon leaving a restaurant and 'strained' my ankle.  (Yes, this was the medical term for what went on down there).  The following day I couldn't stand up without yelping in pain.  I got dressed for work, literally used my arms to scoot my bottom halfway down my staircase before I realized I wouldn't make it into work and had to call my boss and embarrassingly explain that I had severely hurt my ankle.*

*Note: I've heard of this happening to girls who have been, well, a little intoxicated.  Sadly, I can't even use that as my excuse.  This was unfortunately a completely sober me who apparently just didn't know how to walk that night.

8. I have perfect vision.

I take after my father in this department.  He is my only immediate family member who I share this trait with.  However, now I stand alone because he uses reading glasses.  Not because he has to or anything (you know, like, because of his age) he just thinks they look cool.*

*Note: Yes, I'm kidding.  He needs them just like he needs hearing aids and continues to torture my mother to no end by not getting them.

9. I cut my food with my left hand.

Every time I do this in front of my grandmother she comments on it, then double checks with me that I actually do write right handed.

In other words, we have the same conversation about ten times a year.

10. I get bored with lists like this easily.

As in, I almost made up the last three points on this list just to reach an even ten.  It took all day, but I finally came up with something.

Therefore, I am done.  Sorry for having eaten away as much life from you as Facebook.

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