I believe. I believe that God is real. I believe in Jesus who died for my sins. I believe in Matthew 7:7 when it says, "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." I believe that God has my best interest at hand.
But I'm human. Or, perhaps I'm just woman. Usually, we women want to have it all under control. We want to know the master plan. And, we will bug out if one aspect of that plan goes astray.
I'm sure men might kind of want to know the plan, but if they have to take some detours they usually can be cool with that.
Not me. Ideally, I want to sit down, plot the plan out, then command it into action. I want what I want when I want it.
But then Jeremiah 29:11 explains that God knows the plans he has for us and that they are:
1. to prosper us
2. not to harm us
3. to give us a hope
4. to give us a future
So, God holds the plan. Not me. That's a little difficult because I want to at least know the plan. I don't have to hold the plan, but I want to know it will sort of turn out like I want it to. I want to know that it will mesh with my deepest desires. But the Bible doesn't tell me that I get to know the plan, the Bible just ensures that it's a good plan.
Psalm 37:4 does enlighten me a little by telling me that I'm going to be happy with the plan: "Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
(Warning: This is only so long as I delight in the Lord).
But often, I can't help but feel like the father of the demon possessed boy in Mark 9. He's asking for pity. Asking if it's possible for Jesus to heal the boy.
And Jesus says to him, "Everything is possible for him who believes."
And here is where I match up perfectly with this man. He doesn't just say, "Well, okay then Lord, I believe!"
Instead he is totally transparent and says to Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
See I believe His plan is perfect. I believe that all things work together for good for those that love God. Also, I believe that this man did believe that Jesus could heal his son.
But I also hold unbelief. Not that Jesus isn't who he says he is. Not that God isn't powerful and almighty. But I hold unbelief that it is going to happen in my way and for me. Unbelief that ultimately "it" will turn out anywhere close to how I hoped or planned for "it" to.
Would Jesus heal his son? Will the plan be what I hoped or dreamed?
I can't help but picture Maria from the Sound of Music as she says, "Reverend Mother always says, 'When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.'"
Because God holds the plan he also knows the ultimate outcome. He may shut a door, and you may feel trapped. It's in that moment that I'm usually thinking to myself, "Lord, I believe you have the best plan for me, but I have such unbelief that it will happen (especially considering my circumstances right now with this closed door in my face)."
I sulk. I'm filled with sorrow for the plan that won't be.
Don't do this. Don't be like me. Because there is a window open. If you are focused on the closed door in front of you, you will never see the window open right near by.
Instead, hold firm to the belief that Jesus is who he says he is. Call on him to help you with your unbelief. Strive to believe like the centurion in Matthew 8:8 who said to Jesus, "just say the word, and my servant will be healed."