Wednesday, June 1, 2011

#11 He Doesn't Buy Me Flowers

Sometimes I really just want to be sent flowers. But I'm sure, dear reader, that you can see right through me because even I know that there is an underlying motive in that statement alone. Let's look a little closer and really analyze what I am saying.

Did I say that I want flowers? Did I say that flowers complete me? Did I say that flowers are the next best thing to chocolate? Did I even say that I like flowers?


I said I want to be sent flowers. See, the truth is, who really cares about flowers? The surprise and delight of an arrangement being sent to me, little ole me, at my place of work where other people will see, of course, is the point. Knowing that in the moment of flowers being delivered to me all women within 20 yards will gravitate towards me ringing out a well-rehearsed chorus of "awwwwww!!" and then my face will produce the look of surprise and overwhelm of warmth that, "He actually does think about me!". (In actuality, Lord only knows how he couldn't be thinking of you with the three missed calls blinking on his phone and the five dozen text message questions and reminders).

Yet even though my flesh sometimes aches for a flower delivery (at my work, about noonish?), I know that I really don't want that. How uneconomical are flowers anyway? It is like buying a painting with paint that will disappear within a number of weeks, or in my case, days, depending on how often you water it.

As I've said before, I am horrible with plants. Deep down I don't want to be, it just is very difficult for me to cater to something so proud that it refuses to give me little gratitude. But I'm trying. I'd like to be a little more practical minded. To grow something that isn't so vain as flowers. (And with a less offensive scent. Why is it that every flower arrangement I receive ends up smelling like week old garbage rather than a pleasant sent

After Christmas I bought these teensy Santa Claus boots that are supposed to be used to start the growing of a spruce tree. So cute right? I fluffed the soil pellets and planted the seeds, then hung the boots in my kitchen window, in front of the curtains so they'd get plenty of sun.

Oh, you mean you have to water them more than one time a whenever-I-remember?

I was a little upset over that one, because I felt like I was letting Christmas down.

But now I am trying again. Target has these awesome Smith and Hawken plant products. The first one that caught my eye was this pot that grows strawberries. Then I saw they also had a three piece pot set to grow herbs. The strawberries were too close in color to flowers and I thought it best that I not set myself up for failure. Common sense said that I probably should just start with some greenery. My hope is that because I can benefit from this plant in an edible sense that it will help me to keep it alive.

Either way, I will be in no mood to receive any stinky flower arrangements that I have to cater to in addition to the herbs. Although, I would never oppose to being sent chocolate via delivery man....

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