Thursday, June 27, 2013

#99 He Laughs At Me

My husband has never been one to sugar coat things or to ever tell me what I want to hear when it conflicts with reality.

In other words he isn't an enabler.  He doesn't allow me to spit nonsense and just nod along with whatever I say.

In other words, he challenges me.  He plays devil's advocate.  He doesn't allow me to soothe myself into a false conception of the world around me.

Now that I've said all that nonsense, it's time for me to tell a short story.

A few Fridays ago....actually, exactly a few Fridays ago,a few being was my last day of school.  That night was also my brother and soon-to-be-sister-in-law's wedding shower.  In essence, my day was a twister of events that didn't give me a single chance to catch my breath.

My other sister-in-law, Kristina, and I planned to meet at my house before the shower to have a quick bite and then head out to pick up my grandmother and her sister on our way to the shower.

Oh, I forgot to mention, it was raining.  The morning was bitterly cold and wet for a summer day, which made it lots of fun for our last day of school, which, did I mention, was also our field day?  Good thing kids, and teachers for that matter, are resilient.  They made the best of a wet situation and still managed to have lots of fun.

The rain only increased in aggressiveness as the day went on and by the time Kristina was at my house the sky was very very angry, or sad, or maybe both.  But I'm going with that it was mostly sad, because the amount of rain that was falling was so much that I could have set up a privacy screen and showered in it.

We planned to drive over to Columbus Farmer's Market and get the best pizza in the world: Kate and Al's.

You'd never know by looking at the building.  In fact, you'd never know by even going inside the building, but this pizza will knock your socks off and make you forget your first name.

On this particular day, the building didn't look like this, because remember, all the rain.  But I want you to look at something in this picture and keep it in mind for later on.  See those yellow poles that are placed around the picnic table as if guarding the table from going into a mad angry fit and deciding it wants to crash itself into the building?

Okay, just keep that in mind.

We pulled up on the side of the building (because there are no parking spots at this direct entrance) where there was a spot directly next to an entrance that I'm positive is a new entrance to the building.  There weren't any other spots this close, so finding this spot was a clear score for me.  In fact, I may have babbled a little to Kristina about this fact.  In the midst of my babbling I also noted that those yellow poles were all around the concrete pathway leading up to the door.  I may have also made fun of whoever put those poles there and said something like, "What do they think, that people are going to park their cars and not see the people walking in and hit them accidentally?"

The entrance was so close we decided to nix the umbrellas and make a run for the door.  Our pizza was ready so it was a quick dash back into the car and we were headed home to enjoy heaven in a box.

Before I get to the disturbing part, I just want to show you this:

Oh. My. Goodness.  I can only tell you that this is perfection.  Simply perfection.

And this, this is what this trip was all about.

Even the rain which had just started up again couldn't ruin the beautiful moment of knowing that I'd be sinking my teeth into a saucy, cheesy miracle in just minutes.

The next point I must make clear, I started to back my car out of the spot the way I would back my car out any other time in my life when there is no car in the spot directly to my right.  There is no need to back out straight and then start to turn when there is no car next to you.  So I started to turn my car a little as I began to back out.

Seconds later I heard sounds that still haunt me.  Metal on my car began to scream and screech and beg me to stop moving.  Whatever had happened, it sounded as if I had just ripped the entire right side of the front of my car apart.

I pulled forward to realize that that stupid yellow pole had stayed in place and I had just rammed my beautiful car into it.

"Do you want to get out and look at it?" Kristina asked me after I had screamed, a lot.

It was raining, and can I say, I still had this urge to get home and eat my beautiful pizza, so I said, "No, can you just tell me what you see from your side?  Is it bad?"

"Well," Kristina paused.  I knew she was trying to think of the most delicate way to tell me that it was an absolute mess.  "I see part of your car flapping up,"

"Let's go," I said and began backing out, this time the correct way.

I may or may not have burst into tears at this point.

But it doesn't end there.  Of course it doesn't.  How could it?

We got onto the highway and as soon as I began to accelerate something was lifted off of my car and flew into the air.

I let out a few shrieks, Kristina screamed, but I managed to keep driving straight.  What  can I say, I might hit poles, but I'm a steady driver.

"Do you want to go back and get it?" Kristina asked.

In my mind, that piece of metal had been sliced through by that wicked piece of yellow pole, going back for it just meant I had to see it face to face.

It also meant I had to wait longer for my pizza.

"No," I shook my head.  "No, no no,"

We got home and of course, had to look at the damage that had been caused.

I took a quick picture on my phone, and texted it to Hubby.

I may or may not have shed another tear.

Then we went inside and ate pizza.

Three and a some of four pieces later---no I'm not kidding---since Hubby had not responded to my text I decided I had to call him.  

I suppose he has learned to not get so worried when I call him with bad news.  I always seem to start the call the same way, "Ummm, I did something really, really stupid,"

"Okay, what?"  He sounds calm and cool as a cucumber and my heart is still grieving over that piece of my car.

I relayed to him what happened and he didn't yell, he didn't get mad, he didn't call me names, he laughed.  Not just a chuckle either.  Pure, real, laughter.

"It's fine," he said between giggles.

"What? Are you sure? I mean, look at the picture I sent you!" I said to him in disbelief.

"It's fine.  Not a big deal.  I mean, did you get the piece?" he asked.

"The piece?  No, I mean, it flew off!  Kristina asked me if I wanted to get it, but it had to of been destroyed by that pole," I said trying my best to dig out better excuses than 'I wanted to eat my pizza' as a reason I didn't stop my car to pick up that stupid piece of car.

"Yeah....I'm gonna need that piece," he said, still with a hint of humor in his voice.

"Ugh!  Fine, we'll go back out and look for it," I said as I hung up and tossed my fourth piece of pizza to the side.

Kristina, such a good sport, hopped into the car with me to head back on the highway to try and find the piece of my car.  In my mind, I had convinced myself that it was demolished.  It had to of been run over by a variety of different cars traveling at 60 miles per hour, and on top of that, it had been sliced through by that stupid pole!  

We spotted the piece on the northbound side, made a U-turn (a legal one, don't worry), and pulled over about 100 feet from it.  The reason for this is that the shoulder didn't really exist in the spot where the piece of my car was.  Seeing that I was on the side where all the fast traffic was passing, Kristina graciously said she would get out and get the piece.  

It wasn't until I saw a Mack truck coming that I was really afraid for her.  Thank goodness, she survived.  She threw the piece into the back of my car, got back in, and told me there was hardly any damage to it.  It seems that the wretched pole had gone under that part of my car and pulled it out of place, rather than cut into it as my mind had imagined.

I felt just a tiny bit of annoyance that I hadn't gone back for it when it had been completely ripped off by the wind.  But, then I wouldn't have this great story to tell.

Like all great stories, there is a moral: Marry a man who will laugh at the stupid things you do and always, always, always pull straight back and then start to turn when exiting a parking spot.

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